Married!

I am married!
I wish I could say that my waiting has ended but even in marriage there is waiting. I much prefer waiting WITH someone to waiting FOR someone!

I don't know how to be married - how to take care of another person the way a spouse is supposed to. My spouse is very patient, understanding, forgiving and accommodating. I can ask for nothing more!

Well, I can ask to not be broke...
Asking for that right now feels like being greedy.

I am still a prodigal. I'm still in the business of trading troubles. But I am happy.

My marriage is not perfect. My spouse is not perfect (though much closer to perfection than I ever will be) but my spouse is perfect for me. Together we are figuring out our new life. We are enjoying our new adventure and looking forward to what the future holds.

I am happy to be a prodigal. If I had not been a prodigal, I would not be married.
I am NOT happy that I left nothing but destruction in my wake. I wish I could undo every millisecond of hurt I have caused. But I cannot. And to not have caused it in the first place would have meant certain death for me. I wish there had been another way.

Thinking of the pain I left behind kills me. It kills the part of me I no longer want to be. It hurts. It is a good hurt.