Without

More and more I find myself writing in bed while my husband is sleeping and I'm wishing I was alseep as well. As far as writing goes, this is not a bad thing. As far as posting goes, however, this means death.
Sometimes I fall asleep writing. Sometimes I fall asleep thinking, "I must remember to post that!" But invariably, I wake up thinking about everything else that must get done.

We're having an informal party next weekend and the preparations for that consume my time. Besides that I am quirky.

And crunchy.

Most people don't have multiple web pages bookmarked for glue recipes. Most people don't know how to make cosmetics out of eggshells. Most people do not daydream about making their own window paint.

I try to be reasonably frugal - I buy ingredients instead of mixes and premade food. I make buttermilk out of plain milk and vinegar. I buy the cheapest herbs and spices I can find.

I am making the best of what I have and trying to learn how to live without. When I make pasta I use a soda can as a rolling pin. I roll out the pasta dough on a cutting board my cousin gave me and I cut the pasta with a pizza cutter my friend got me. (My husband gives me a hard time about the uneven-ness of my pasta. I try to convince him that pasta is suppoed to be thin at one end and half inch wide at the other but he doesn't seem to be buying that.)
I love to bake. When we are low on eggs I make shortbread. When we are low on butter I make more pasta.

I am willing to make just about anything - but the ingredients to make those things cost money. I would prefer to make my own lip balm and moisturizer because the store-bought products I can afford don't provide enough moisture. But I can't afford the simple ingredients to make my own.
I can make cosmetics out of eggshells, but I have no way to apply the cosmetics - my freedom came with a price tag.

I have almost none of the things I'm used to having.

The extent of my winter clothes is a set of long underwear. I could knit myself some winterwear except that I am without my plethora of yarn and knitting needles. Instead, I stay inside as much as possible and wear one of my husband's old jackets when I have to go outside. I look atrocious but it keeps me warm.
I am a natural problem-solver. I could possibly solve one of our pet problems with a cardboard box, yard bags, packing tape and some items we're already using. But we can't afford yard bags. We don't even have regular trash bags. We don't even have a trash can.
I would love to cook with fresh vegetables. I LOVE fresh fruit and berries! We can afford none of that. There is even a local discount distributer and a friend of mine who's willing to share the cost. We still cannot afford fresh fruit and vegetables.
I worry about bed bugs but we can't afford to replace the torn-up plastic covering our mattress. Nor can we afford a mattress pad to make sleeping on torn-up plastic comfortable.
My asthma does not tolerate cold air. We cannot afford the wool blend scarf (or yarn) required to keep moist breath warm. So it hurts me to breathe. And I cough.

The price for my freedom seems, at times, to be extremely high.

This prodigal will not return.

My freedom is worth the price.