Heavy

My heart is heavy. It is heavy with the sadness that can only be borne of love.

I have let my husband down.

He does not say that I have let him down - he probably doesn't even think I have let him down - but I have. I am responsible for the financial bind we are in right now.

My husband has a job and works hard every weekday - sometimes working 12+ hours a day. I stay home all day, trying to survive and cope. Had I gotten a job months ago, we'd be okay financially. Had I at least seriously looked for a job, I wouldn't feel so responsible. I wouldn't BE responsible.

I let my emotions have too much control over me and now we are literally paying for it.

I am a disappointment to my husband - even if he doesn't think so - but most of all, I am a disappointment to myself.

Either I am everything I was told I am, or I let other peoples words dictate who I am. It doesn't matter which is true. I am still a disappointent to myself.

I am less than I could and should be. I am at fault and there is nothing I can do to resolve this situation.