Desire

Genesis 3:16 NASB
To the woman He said,
"I will greatly multiply
Your pain in childbirth,
In pain you will bring forth children;
Yet your desire will be for your husband,
And he will rule over you."

Those last two lines, " yet your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you" almost haunt me.

For the sake of this post, I do not mean "desire" as "sexual desire." It is simply the desire to spend time with my husband.

Sometimes when my husband is at work I enjoy being able to get stuff done without interuption and without feeling like I've abandoned my husband. But other times I miss him SO MUCH that "your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you" comes to mind.

I have known that part of that verse since I was little - it has always fascinated me. I have always known that it is true but I have also known that there is more power to it than I could understand.

I am only beginning to understand.

Some days, like today, I cannot wait for him to come home from work! I just want to hug him and hold him and spend time with him. Today, there is not enough time in the world for me to spend with him.

Some days, I am glad that he goes to work and I am overwhelmingly thankful for the time alone. Some days I wish he worked later in the day because I am most productive in the afternoon - right as he's getting home. I typically don't like those days.

Why that phrase, "your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you," haunts me is hard to explain. It is a rememberance from my childhood with echos of the abuse. It is a long awaited revelation that is new and exciting! It speaks deeply of the way I feel. It connects me to women all the way back to Eve. It is a reminder that I am fully and truly a woman - a fact I have both loved and hated with equal passion.

That phrase whispers to my soul and stirs up things that I didn't know existed. It's scary. It's exciting.

This is my new life, my new adventure! With feelings deeper than I've ever known before. Joys greater than I've imagined!