Mommy guilt

Mommy guilt:
The feelings of guilt, and/or despair, when a Mommy realizes she is not perfect.

I have Mommy guilt sometimes.
When it seems I can say nothing but "no" to my son.
When I give my son food I know he shouldn't have.
When I turn on the tv because I need to hear actual words instead of just baby chatter.
When I realize that another week has gone by without me reading anything to my son...
Right now, because I'm writing  instead of sleeping and I'll probably be grumpy tomorrow.

Now I'm feeling a different kind of guilt, too. History guilt.
I am standing in the midst of history. History is currently happening and more history is coming. Big things are coming - I feel it in my bones, I smell it in the wind, I read it in the news, I see it in the clouds.
I spend most of my days surviving - barely squeaking by with most of my marbles - and cannot think beyond the walls of my home. I owe people thank you notes, I owe phone calls, I owe visits with friends. I have piles of dirty laundry and dirty dishes, I have piles of  projects with varying degrees of necessity.
History is happening, change is coming.
I like being part of change. I love challenging the way things have always been done. I like having a tiny part in something big.
History is happening, change is coming and I won't be part of it.
I know that history will not remember me. I am not of interest to history. I do nothing single-handedly and I am not a leader. I would simply like to look back on my life when I am old - look back over the course of recent history - and say, "I was part of that change. I helped fight that fight. I helped lay the foundation for that beacon of hope."
Part of me wonders if I am raising a leader. Maybe my place in history is to raise a revolutionary.

If I could just get rid of the Mommy guilt...